If you have decided to quit your addiction, your motivation is important. You’ve probably already thought about this and envisioned why you want to quit. Nevertheless, we would like to challenge you to dwell a little longer on the question: what is your motivation?

 

Intrinsic or Extrinsic Motivation?

You are intrinsically motivated when you do something because you want to do so. Or because you think it is important to do. Intrinsic motivation arises from an internal drive. It’s about your own needs, values ​​and interests. Your health could be an intrinsic reason to quit your addiction.

If your motivation is formed by an external factor, then you are extrinsically motivated. You do something because you have to or because someone else wants you too. For example, a partner who threatens with divorce if an alcoholic does not stop drinking.

The advantage of intrinsic motivation is that you are stimulated from within to work on yourself. Therefore, the chance of success is greater. When it comes to extrinsic motivation, you need an external stimulus to achieve the behavioural change. This increases the chances of a relapsing back into your addictive behaviour.

 

What are your reasons for quitting?

Take the time to reflect on what your actual motivation is to quit your addiction. Write it down as extensively as possible. Share it with someone close to you or with your professional. Others will be able to help you. Above all, be honest with yourself.

Remember: by having a clear picture of what your motivation is to stop your addiction, you can use it to fall back on if you experience difficult moments during your recovery process.

 

Exercise

Write down the main reasons why you want to quit. It can be a useful tool to help keep you on the path to recovery.
You can find ways of how you want to remind yourself of why you stopped.

 

You have probably taken a moment to reflect on the pros and cons of your addiction. When you first started using, it probably had many advantages. At some point, the benefits faded into the background and you probably started to feel an increasing number of drawbacks in relation to your addiction. Although weighing up the advantages and disadvantages may seem obvious, it remains an important task within your treatment. We will also ask you to write down the pros and cons of a life without addiction. This will allow you, together with your professional, to prepare for the potentially difficult moments that you may be afraid of in your recovery process.

The pros and cons of addiction

 

Disadvantages of using:

Consider the downsides of your addiction. Consider both the short- and long-term downsides. What negative effects does it have on your physical and mental health? How does your addiction affect your social contacts? How does it affect your work or study? Has it had an effect on how you take care of yourself, your daily structure or your sleep rhythm? Be honest with yourself, that will help you progress the most.

Advantages of using:

Reflect on the benefits of your addiction. What makes you keep using? How do you feel when or after you have used? Are there any long-term benefits of your addiction? Some benefits may overlap. Be honest with yourself and take your time while doing this to write them all down. By using this information, you can explore how you could experience these same benefits in a different and healthier way.

 

The pros and cons of recovery

 

Disadvantages of stopping to use:

What are the short- and long-term disadvantages of living without your addiction? What makes it so difficult to not relapse back into your addictive behaviour? Are there certain emotions that you find difficult to feel or cope with? Does physical or mental discomfort increase when you stop using? What are you afraid of when you envision a life without your addictive substance or behaviour?

Advantages of stopping to use:

What are the benefits of a life in recovery, or a life without use? What’s in it for you? Consider the benefits on a physical, mental and social level. Are there any hobbies you can pick up again? Take your time when doing this. These are the reasons why you have decided to quit your addiction.

 

Better insight

Once you have weighed up the pros and cons, you will have a better understanding of the ‘usefulness’ of your addiction. You are also honest with yourself about the difficulties you may face in the near future. With your coach, you can begin to see what you need to achieve and maintain your recovery.

 

An example

Disadvantages of the addiction:

Short-term:

  • Guilt
  • Costs a lot of money
  • Loss of control
  • Tolerance grows quickly, you need more to achieve the same effect
  • Eating unhealthily
  • I take care of myself badly
  • The next day, I have a hangover

Long-term:

  • My sleep is deteriorating
  • Sometimes I struggle financially at the end of the month
  • I feel more and more low/depressed
  • My self-esteem becomes lower and lower
  • I often feel tired
  • I no longer exercise
  • I’m becoming more and more selfish. I am only concerned with when I can start drinking again.

Advantages of stopping to use and recovering:

Short-term:

  • I save money
  • I am more active and can actually do things
  • I eat healthily
  • No hangovers

Long-term:

  • My health is improving
  • I sleep well
  • I am in touch with my friends
  • I have more money to spare
  • I feel my emotions instead of numbing them

If you are at the start of your recovery process, then the ‘bottom line’ plays an important part.

What is the bottom line?

The bottom line is a list of the things you don’t want to do anymore, because it is part of your addictive behaviour or because it drives your addiction. It is a list of undesirable behaviours. For example, avoidance behaviour, procrastination, going to certain places that trigger your addiction or interactions with certain people that can increase your chance of relapse.

You can also summarise which behaviours are going to have a positive contribution to your recovery process. In other words, desired behaviour. For example: adding structure to your day to day, walking when you have a craving or an urge to use, carrying out therapy exercises or seeking support from friends.

Desired behaviour is above the line and undesirable behaviour is below the line. If you engage in undesirable behaviour, you can consider this a step closer to a relapse.

The list (bottom line) can also help you establish whether your addictional behaviour might shift when you stop using. For example: you have stopped drinking alcohol, but you notice that you begin to snack more often during the moments you have a craving (urge to use) for alcohol. In the long run, this is undesirable behaviour, because excessive snacking is not healthy.

You can get started with ‘The bottom line’ at home and then discuss it in more detail with your professional during a session.

 

Tips for creating the bottom line: 

  • Describe the desired behaviour in as much detail as possible. Do you want to exercise more? Specifically specify which sport, how often you want to exercise and when you want to exercise.
  • Be honest with yourself. What behaviour is jeopardizing your recovery process? If you want to stop your drug use but continue to drink (a lot of) alcohol regularly instead, then you are still sedating yourself.
  • Be patient with yourself. The recovery process is not a straight line. Stopping undesirable behaviour and adopting desired behaviour takes time.
  • Try to be realistic. If you never exercise and you suddenly want to start exercising 5 times a week, you’re setting the bar very high. Consequently, the chance that you will not reach your goal is quite high. Start by exercising once or twice a week. By doing this, you can be proud of yourself when you have succeeded.
  • Your bottom line can change during your recovery process. At the start of your recovery, going to a birthday party may not be feasible. You may find it too difficult to be in a room with other people who are drinking alcohol. But a few months later in the recovery process, going to a birthday party could be a desirable behaviour because it is a fun social activity.

 

Examples of desirable and undesirable behaviour for an alcohol addiction

Below, you can find an example of a bottom line from a person with an addiction to alcohol:

Desired behaviour:

  • Maintain a fixed sleep schedule: go to bed at 10.30 pm and get up at 6.30 am every day
  • Cook for yourself three times a week: Monday, Wednesday and Saturday
  • Walk for half an hour every day
  • Drink 1.5 litres of water every day
  • Go to therapy once a week
  • Meditate for 5 minutes, three times a week: Monday, Wednesday and Saturday
  • Go to the gym once a week: Tuesday evening
  • Do not expose yourself to screens (TV, laptop or telephone) after 8.30 pm
  • For cravings: call a friend or take a walk outside around the block

Undesirable behaviour:

  • Drinking alcohol
  • Drug use
  • Going to bed late
  • Skipping a meal
  • Staying indoors all day
  • Lying about usage
  • Procrastinating on household chores
  • Reaching out to friends who are also using

 

Source:

Keijsers, G. P. J., Van Minnen, A., Verbraak, M., Hoogduin, C. A. L. & Emmelkamp, P., (2017). Protocollaire behandelingen voor volwassenen met psychische klachten.

 

In a signalling plan, you and your professional will identify the signals of a possible relapse. In this way, you will be able to recognize these signals when things are not going so well! The signalling plan can be seen as a seat belt that prevents you from entering a particularly vulnerable period, during which the possibility of relapse is high.

Discuss with your professional with whom you want to share this signalling plan, so that the people close to you are alert to certain signals to support you during your vulnerable periods.

How do you make a plan?

In a signalling plan, you will consider three phases. Phase red indicates a crisis: you are experiencing a (long-term) relapse and you need help from others to get out of this phase. Whilst in phase orange, you will initiate measures to prevent you from (re-)entering phase red. When in phase green, you will describe what a good day or week would look like.

Download the Signalling Plan (pdf) and, for each phase, write down what you will think/feel/do, what someone else will notice, what you can do for yourself and what someone else can do for you.

Tip: Put the plan in different spots in your house. This way, you can easily pick up the plan during a difficult moment.

Knowing how to take care of yourself starts with understanding what you want and what your needs are. This is the foundation of self-acceptance.

Below, you will find some questions that can help you become more aware of your needs.

You may feel a variety of emotions when you answer these questions, such as anxiety or sadness. You might feel impatient, because you can’t think of anything, or because you feel empty. Try to make room for these emotions and leave them be. They are very normal reactions that are part of becoming aware of your needs.

 

Physical needs (such as hunger, fatigue, pain or tension)

  • Are you aware of the signals that your body gives you? Do you pay attention to them and do you respond to them?
  • Do you eat when you are hungry?
  • Do you cook for yourself?
  • How is your sleep? Do you stick to a regular sleeping pattern?
  • If you feel the urge to go to the bathroom, do you act on it or do you ignore the signal?
  • Do you go to the doctor or dentist when you need to?
  • Do you rest when you are tired?
  • Do you think you have a right to be well and lovingly cared for?
  • Do you think that you deserve relaxation?
  • Do you think that you deserve warmth?

 

Mental needs (such as self-esteem, self-image, self-compassion and self-confidence)

  • Do you consider yourself valuable? Just as valuable as others?
  • Do you think you deserve as much care as others do?
  • What are you most proud of?
  • Do you have a self-interest; are you interested in your goals, plans, desires and dreams?
  • What gives you energy?
  • What costs you a lot of energy?
  • Do you think you have the right to grieve and mourn?
  • How do you react when you feel sad or down?
  • Are you able to indicate your limits/boundaries to others?
  • Do you have the courage to say ‘no’ when someone else asks you for a favour?

 

Social needs (the ability to share experiences, give or receive support)

  • Are there people who you trust and who support you?
  • Are you satisfied with your social circle?
  • Are you aware of your social needs?
  • Do you have the courage to ask for help or support from others?
  • Are you able to indicate what kind of help you are in need of?
  • Who would you call if you needed support?
  • What qualities do you value in the people you trust?
  • Do you have the courage to end a relationship when you no longer feel connected to the person or don’t trust them anymore?

 

Meaning (belief, meditation or other spiritual needs)

  • What does the word ‘meaning’ evoke in you?
  • Do you have a religious or spiritual side?
  • Would you like to develop yourself in the field of spirituality or religion?
  • Do you have people close to you with whom you can discuss issues such as ‘sense of purpose’ or other philosophical questions?

 

Exercise

Take your time to answer each of the questions and write them down.

The importance of rewarding

Much of the behaviours that you perform on a daily basis is learned behaviour. When your behaviour is rewarded, you will associate that behaviour with the reward. You’ll repeat the behaviour to receive the reward more often. When you are still coping with an active addiction, your addiction will often have been a form of rewarding. Now that you’ve quit your addiction, you want to teach yourself how to reward yourself in a different way.

An example: you have met an important deadline and, as a reward, you cook your favourite meal. When you associate a reward (a tasty home-cooked meal) with the behaviour (deadline met), you will perform this behaviour more often and the behaviour will become a habit. It is important that only healthy and functional behaviour is rewarded.

How can you reward yourself?

Rewards can come in many forms, for example, positive feedback, gifts, complimenting yourself or someone else or by doing things that you would like to do. Look for things that you find pleasant, fun and, above all, are a healthy way of rewarding yourself. By doing this, you can motivate yourself to continue with your recovery process.

Some ideas on how you can reward yourself:

  • Compliment yourself often. Others may not realize how difficult quitting is for you.
  • Take a walk. This will give you peace of mind and some distance.
  • Exercise! This is good for your fitness and gives you confidence.
  • If you’re struggling, go to a place where it’s not possible to relapse. For example: the cinema, the swimming pool, the sauna, the library. You can also visit someone who is not using.
  • Give yourself a gift every now and then. Or save up for a bigger reward, for example, for when you are clean for 6 months or a year. For example: a piece of jewellery, a magazine, a good book, a day out with the family or a holiday.

 

 

Source:

 

What is an addiction?

An addiction is a mental illness during which someone becomes dependent on a substance (alcohol, drugs or medication) or a habit (such as gambling, gaming or watching porn). The life of an addicted person mainly revolves around obtaining and using the substance or habit. This is often at the expense of relationships, work, study and friends. An addict is not able to quit the drug for a long period of time or stop the behaviour, despite multiple attempts to quit. The urge (also called craving) for the substance or habit remains strong, making it increasingly difficult for an addict to quit.

 

What can you do to support someone who is suffering from an addiction?

  • Try to listen and be understanding when someone close to you talks about his or her addiction or a relapse into addiction. An addict often experiences a lot of shame and guilt about their behaviour, which can make talking about it difficult.
  • Express your confidence in them. For example, tell them that you believe they will succeed in overcoming their addiction.
  • Ask how you can support the other person in his or her recovery process in the best way.
  • Try to remain patient throughout the recovery process. It can be scary for an addict to imagine life without addiction.
  • Acknowledge the small steps in the recovery process. Recovering from an addiction takes time. A common phenomenon is that there is a lot of focus on the end goal (being sober for a long time), while the steps in between are also very important.
  • Acknowledge your own sense of powerlessness and discuss this with each other.
  • Ensure that you also take good care of yourself! It is normal if you are finding it difficult to deal with the complaints of someone in recovery. Keep finding the time to do fun and relaxing things for yourself and keep in touch with good friends with whom you can vent with.

What should you avoid doing?  

  • Talking or having a discussion with a loved one while they are under the influence of alcohol or drugs.
  • Having the addictive substance in the house or using it yourself in the presence of an addict in recovery. This can result in the other experiencing a sudden increase of cravings, increasing the risk of relapse.
  • Judging the addict in recovery. This will only provoke more resistance from an addict.
  • Criticizing them. This can make someone feel insecure.
  • Understandably, you will want to help and protect a loved one with an addiction from any negative consequences. However, it is not helpful to keep taking care of the other person while they are experiencing another hangover, for example. Do not make excuses for addictive behaviour and the consequences it may have on other family members.
  • Put your own needs aside to help another. Keep your own limits in mind.

 

Professional support

If you, as a close friend, need professional support, you can contact the general practitioner. You can also find more information about addiction on the website of Jellinek.

 

If you find yourself in a situation in which you always used to use an addictive substance or perform addictive behaviour, you may feel a strong or intense craving. You want to begin ‘using’ again. With this exercise, you will learn to not give in to this feeling, but not to ignore it as well. You will focus your attention on your feelings; they will surface and then pass over again like a wave. You will notice that the craving will disappear by itself, just like a wave that rolls off the beach and eventually disappears into the sand.

 

Craving

You feel a strong craving and your first impulse is to start using the addictive substance or conducting the addictive behaviour again, despite your resolve to quit your addiction. It is often obvious what triggers you to experience a craving. It could be to do with sadness, anger or anxiety that you are feeling in your body. Sometimes the presence of certain people gives rise to a craving. Cravings can be very strong and intense. Sometimes this feeling is so strong, it seems like it only starts to subside when you begin ‘using’ again.

Scientific research has shown that your body plays a major role in the experience of (strong) cravings. Once your body is accustomed to using a drug, it begins to prepare for the drug even before use. For example, your body temperature can increase. The balance in your body is therefore disturbed, which leads to a huge urge to use the drug (a craving).

 

Practise

Practise this exercise in a situation where you regularly experience a strong craving. You will need a timer (such as the one you would use in the kitchen) or stopwatch (your phone probably also has a stopwatch), a pen and piece of paper.

Note: consider in advance whether you think it is a good idea to do this exercise alone. You can also do the exercise in a session with your professional first. You can ask someone close to you to be there, or you could ask if you can call them during the exercise.

 

Imagine the situation

Use your imagination and envision the situation as vividly as possible. Who are you with, where are you, how would you sit or move, what do you smell or what do you hear? This will increase the cravings. In order to break your usual reaction pattern, which causes you to relapse, it is useful to teach yourself how to react differently in this situation.

  1. When your sense of craving in the imagined situation has reached its peak, rate it between 0 and 100. Record this on a sheet of paper. 0 represents ‘no craving’ and 100 ‘the strongest craving you can experience’.
  2. Start the timer or stopwatch and keep imagining the situation. Let the craving take over. Think about the aforementioned example of waves at the seaside.
  3. Investigate what kind of feelings, thoughts and physical reactions your craving triggers.
  4. After every 3 minutes, re-score the craving you feel or the urge to use at that given moment. Keep repeating this until you don’t feel any craving at all and your final score comes close to 0.
  5. Stop the exercise after 30 minutes, even if your craving has not completely disappeared. If you are still experiencing some craving after 30 minutes, you have probably chosen a situation that is too difficult.
  6. Discuss this exercise with your professional and repeat the exercise during the session. You can choose a slightly less difficult situation.
  7. At the end of the exercise, briefly write down your thoughts, feelings, and physical reactions.

Put the exercise into practice

When you feel a craving emerge in your daily life, you can start applying the ‘emotion surfing’ exercise. You will therefore allow yourself to be carried along by the pull of the craving and then examine which mental and physical reactions this evokes. Hopefully, you will experience that the craving decreases on its own without having to give in.

Source:

Keijsers, G. P. J., Van Minnen, A., Verbraak, M., Hoogduin, C. A. L. & Emmelkamp, P., (2017). Protocollaire behandelingen voor volwassenen met psychische klachten.

 

Quitting your addiction and going into recovery means saying goodbye to your addiction and starting a new chapter in your life. Saying goodbye means letting go of certain habits, places and, often, also certain people in your life. You can consider this as a (mourning) process that you have to go through. Writing a farewell letter can help you to bring this period to a close. Before you write a farewell letter, we would like to invite you to write a letter in which you look back on the pleasant and perhaps even happy moments you have experienced during your addiction. This may sound contradictory because you mainly paid attention to the negative consequences of your addiction during your recovery process. Nonetheless, it is also important to reflect on the enjoyable moments during your addiction. This is also part of bringing a period of your life to a close.

Letter 1: Write a letter in which you look back on the good moments during your addiction

Look back to your period of addiction;
What were the benefits of your addiction? How did it make you feel? Are there certain moments or situations of which you have a good memory? Are there people you have met that you are grateful to have met? What lessons have you learned from this period?
Take your time and write down what comes to mind. You can decide on the length of this letter yourself.

Be aware: if you notice that your craving increases while writing the letter, stop for a moment and continue writing the letter another time.

 

Letter 2: Write a farewell letter addressed to your addiction

Now, think about what you want to say goodbye to.
What has the addiction cost you? What situations do you no longer want to be in? Are there certain people that you have said goodbye to? Or are there people standing in the way of your recovery process that you need to say goodbye to? What negative thoughts have been bothering you for a long time that you want to say goodbye bye to? Also write down why you want to say goodbye to your addiction. Why do you want to return to a life without addiction?
Take your time and write down what comes to mind. You can decide on the length of this letter yourself.

Do emotions surface when writing the letter? Try to identify and accept them. If you find that it becomes overwhelming, take a break. When the emotions have subsided, you can continue writing the letter.

 

Discuss whether you want to read the letter during your treatment with your professional. You can also read the letters to people close to you, such as your partner or a good friend.

What is a craving?

When you quit an addictive substance or behaviour, you will likely experience cravings: a hunger, urge, or a strong desire for the substance or behaviour. Physical sensations and strong emotions are experienced during a craving. They are often accompanied by compulsive thoughts. It may differ from person to person whether your craving is mainly a physical experience (saliva production in the mouth or a dry feeling in your throat) or emotional experience (irritation, restlessness or sadness). You may also have compulsive thoughts such as “shall I just use one?”, “I’ll quit tomorrow instead” or “I deserve it”. The strength of a craving can vary greatly and can fluctuate throughout the day.

How can you cope with cravings?

There are several ways to cope with cravings:

1. Don’t fight the craving

Acknowledge that you are experiencing a craving and do not fight it. Resistance will only increase your craving. It is very normal to have cravings. Be aware that you are currently experiencing certain physical sensations or have (compulsive) thoughts and pause for a moment. You will notice that the intensity of the craving will decrease as soon as you tolerate it.

2. Remember: you are not your thoughts

Thoughts automatically appear and go away on their own. Compulsive thoughts are (unconsciously) stored in your brain and, therefore, can arise during different situations. They are often linked to certain patterns that you have built up throughout your lifetime. You can’t do anything about them, they often present themselves automatically and it makes no sense to be angry with yourself. You are not your thoughts. This also applies to the emotions and feelings you experience during a craving. They are a part of your life and you can determine how you will cope with them.

3. Meditate

Meditation can help you cope with cravings. There are various apps and YouTube videos that can help you meditate. Do you still experience a craving after doing an exercise? Then do another meditation.

4. Play out the situation in your head

Imagine you are struggling with the thought ‘’I can have just one glass of wine”. Think about how this situation played out in the past. You open a bottle of wine, you drink a glass and think “now I’ve relapsed anyway”, which causes you to drink another glass. The bottle is empty within an hour. You sleep badly and the next day you wake up with a hangover and feelings of guilt. Do you want to prevent this from happening?

As soon as the thought “’I can have just one glass of wine” occurs, play out the situation in your head but do it differently; think back to a moment when you experienced a craving but didn’t give in to it. Reflect on that moment and remember how the craving decreased again. How did you interpret that moment? How did you feel the next day? Think about why you are motivated to live a life in recovery.

5. Reflect on your desire

If you have a craving for chocolate, a drug, or certain unhealthy behaviour, you probably feel a longing for happiness, satisfaction, or peace. Your addiction probably had a positive intention in the past: it gave you a positive feeling. Therefore, it’s not surprising that you regularly experience cravings. At such a moment, ask yourself what you desire and focus on that instead. Then you can start to really understand what you are looking for instead of relapsing.

6. Fulfill your needs

Do you know what you desire? Then fulfil this desire. Only this time, not with unhealthy and damaging behaviour like you did before. This time, teach yourself, with love, compassion, and patience, to adopt alternative healthy behaviour. It is important to map out what behaviour is desirable at the beginning of your recovery process. For example, taking a walk around the block, calling a good friend, eating something nutritious or taking a shower. This allows you to break the patterns you are stuck in and teach yourself to deal with your needs differently.

7. You don’t have to do it alone

Remember: ask for support from those close to you during difficult moments. Find a friend or family member during a difficult period. You can also call someone or send a message. Find out in advance if there are self-help groups in your area and visit them during moments that you experience a craving. If you are brave enough to share the difficult moments with others, you will feel more connected with them. Your chance of relapse is reduced as you step out of isolation, which has likely been a big part of your addiction.

8. Learn to tolerate

As annoying as a craving is, you know it will pass eventually. This also applies to thoughts and emotions. You have no influence on them and the more you struggle with them, the bigger they will get. Remind yourself that it is a matter of tolerance. Accept that it is part of a life in recovery, and that, in time, you will be able to manage your cravings in a better way. Push yourself to deal with the craving in a different way this time, so that you can break your addiction patterns.

Be patient with yourself and give yourself the time and space to learn how to deal with cravings differently. This process involves trial and error. Stay in touch with your professional and those close to you to find out what helps you during difficult moments.

 

Sources: