We have very little control in life. This might be a hard pill to swallow, but it is reality. Still, many people assume that they do have control over many aspects of their life. They describe themselves as true control freaks. But the urge to control everything around you can create a lot of unnecessary stress and discomfort. So it’s better to let go of control every now and then. But how can you do that? Read more to find out!

The urge to control

Always trying to control the things around you will probably cost you a lot of energy. People with a strong urge to control often tend to worry a lot, because worrying gives them a sense of control. But actually, worrying doesn’t affect the actual outcome at all and worrying is a waste of your time and energy.

Having the urge to control everything often goes hand in hand with wanting everything to go your way. This often results in feelings of stress and anxiety. I can imagine that you would like to see this differently.

Which things are within my control?

A good first step is to investigate and determine which things you can control and influence. 

• You do have control over how you react to and deal with certain situations. For example, you can choose to get completely worked up about an unexpected traffic jam, but you can also choose to stay calm and call a friend while you are in traffic. The choice is yours!
• You also have control over the way you talk to yourself. We’re often much more lenient and compassionate towards others than to ourselves, and that is actually very harmful. Ask yourself the following critical question more often: “How would I talk to my best friend?”. You can choose to shift your focus on a more “compassionate inner voice” instead of focusing on your inner critic. 
• You also have control over how much you take care of yourself. Of course, there are exceptions, but in general, you have control over how healthy you eat, how much alcohol you consume, what time you go to bed, etc. Self-care also includes the extent to which you set boundaries for yourself, to what extent you stick to these boundaries and to what extent you communicate these boundaries to others. You can set your own boundaries; this is often something you have control over.
• Finally, you have control over how you treat others. For example, if your colleague makes an annoying comment, you can choose to react agitated, but you can also choose to calmly indicate that you do not appreciate the comment.

You now have a clear overview of all the things you do have control over, of the things you have an influence on. With the above list, you can get started and take the necessary steps. Everything that isn’t mentioned above is therefore beyond our control. There’s no point in worrying about these things, so it’s better to let them go!

Letting go

So, things that we have no control over are e.g. the behaviour of others and events that take place in the world.

So how can you start letting go of control? My advice would be to start with small steps; if you are used to pointing out to your partner or colleagues how to do certain things, you can experiment with not doing this for once. Be aware of the moment you decide to let go of control and notice what it does to you and the people around you. You will see that by not interfering with something or by being on top of it, the result probably won’t be bad. The people around you will feel liberated. They get the feeling that you trust them and that they can be themselves around you.

Conclusion

You can’t control how your life will turn out and you’ll only exhaust yourself by wanting to control everything. Don’t expect yourself to be in control of everything. By adjusting your expectations, about yourself and about the world, you will find yourself less disappointed when things don’t go as expected. So, let go! It will set you free.