Print Attachment is a long-term psychological bond between two people. It is said that forming a (deep) emotional bond with others is an important element of our human nature and social needs. When we talk about attachment, we primarily refer to childhood and the attachment to parental figures. A parental figure can also be someone other than one of your parents. This attachment forms an important foundation for later in life and has a significant influence on your self-confidence, interpersonal relationships, autonomy, sense of meaning, and self-acceptance.
Attachment styles
There are several different attachment styles. These have specific characteristics in childhood but can also have certain consequences in adulthood.
In a secure attachment style, as a child, you are comfortable to separate from your parents but seek them out when you feel anxious. You prefer contact with your parents and respond positively to this contact. This is because your parents manage to make you feel safe, include emotion in communication, and consistently respond well to your needs as a child. Even if they miss signals from you or make a mistake, they actively ensure reconciliation. Later in life, this leads to self-confidence, the ability to maintain relationships more easily, the courage to share feelings or seek social support, and resilience in the face of setbacks.
In the anxious/ambivalent attachment style, as a child, you are wary of strangers and become stressed when your parents leave and are very clingy. However, when your parents return, you often do not feel comforted. This may be because your parents were inconsistent in responding to your needs; sometimes they were (emotionally) available, but sometimes they were absent or distracted. Later in life, this can make it difficult for you to trust others. You may be clingy or repeatedly seek validation and attention, struggle with boundaries, find space in a relationship stressful, and even become manipulative to keep someone close. Such a relationship can take over your life, leading you to derive all your self-worth from it.
In the avoidant attachment style, as a child, you may avoid your parents or not actively seek contact or comfort from them. You are indifferent in your preference for strangers or your parents. This may be because your parents were absent or even rejected you. You have learned to distance yourself emotionally and comfort yourself, creating a great deal of independence. Later in life, this can lead to keeping emotional distance in relationships and even distancing yourself further when someone tries to get closer. You may come across as cold or closed off to others because you are not comfortable with your own emotions. This may make it feel like you want more superficial casual relationships when, in fact, you have a deeper-rooted fear of intimacy.
In the disorganized attachment style, as a child, you may have been exposed to highly variable situations. For example, your parents, due to their own mental problems, may have caused both strong anxiety while also being able to comfort you. You may also have been completely ignored, traumatized by chaotic or unpredictable behavior, or been a victim of abuse or neglect. You may have taken on a more parental role yourself as a child. Later in life, this can make intimate relationships very confusing or unsettling, leading to strong fluctuating emotions. In a relationship, you rarely feel safe or worthy of receiving love and are afraid of getting hurt. This can result in selfish, controlling, and explosive behavior towards your partner, but sometimes manifests as self-destructive behavior such as substance abuse.
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