It sounds so easy: doing nothing and taking enough time to relax. However, a lot of people have a hard time relaxing. Even reading a book in the middle of the day can give you the feeling like you are doing something wrong. Because you should actually be busy and productive?

Imagine sitting down with a cup of tea, trying to relax but after three minutes you already up again. Because you suddenly remember that you still have to buy a gift for your friend’s birthday on Friday. And when you are searching on the Internet for a gift, it suddenly pops into your head that you also have to send an important mail to a particular person before the end of the week. You look at your cup of tea and you are reminded that you were taking a moment for yourself. So now you either make a half-hearted attempt to relax, or you give up and go on with the other things that sooner or later have to be done.

Feeling guilty

Feelings of guilt can play a big role in an attempt to relax. How can you “do nothing” when there are all kinds of tasks that need to be done? People may feel that they must first earn a moment for themselves. Everything must be finished before it is their turn to relax. But with a job, the household, university, and perhaps children things are never “finished”. And if you are not careful, there will never be a relaxing moment for yourself!

Il dolce far niente

The Italians even have a word for it: il dolce far niente (translation: the sweetness of doing nothing). This Italian saying became made famous because of the movie film Eat, Pray, Love by director Ryan Murphy. In this scene from the movie, two Italian men explain how the Italian idea of relaxing differs from the idea of relaxing of an average American. They explain that the American works hard all day and during the weekend. When he’s free, he can relax in his pyjamas and watch series all day. The Italian, on the other hand, can sometimes go home in the middle of the day (note: working day) for a power nap or a good cup of coffee in the local bar. In other words: the Italian sees ‘doing nothing’ as an important activity, in addition to working, cooking and having a social life. While an American sees it as a favour that he must earn.

Me time

In our busy lives, we have to do a lot. Or we often think that we have to do a lot. And it is because of all these obligations that enjoyment often comes second. For the Italians that is usually the other way around. So they see that moment of enjoyment as an important activity. When you take time for yourself, time to relax and recover, you can be more energetic, do the things that need to be done and also have the energy to spend time with others!

Podcasts have become increasingly popular in recent years. You can listen to it when you are sitting on the couch at home, when you are on the train or cycling from A to B. In addition, you can always listen, pause and resume whenever you have some time. Podcasts can be compared to radio broadcasts and it is possible for everyone to rent a space to record a podcast if you would like to. This is a way to express yourself or to delve deeper into a topic. There are so many podcasts out there and there is probably a podcast about every topic you can think of!

There are times when you are at home and just don’t feel like Netflix, reading or painting. Then listening to a podcast can be a great way to relax or laugh out loud without having to make too much effort for the activity. Some people also like having a sound in the background when they are busy with household chores for example. Interested? Give the following podcasts a try!

The ‘Dertigers dilemma’ 

Jelmer de Boer has a conversation with Nienke Wijnants, author of the famous book about the ‘Dertigers dilemma’. They talk extensively about the question of whether millennials are spoiled or not. The podcast is 1.5 hours (but you don’t realize that because Nienke talks pretty well and has interesting things to say) and as a listener you are really stimulated to think about life and its meaning. In addition, explanations are given about why many people in their twenties and thirties feel that they are not happy even though they have achieved a lot in their lives. Nienke explains how she came up with the term “thirty-something dilemma” twenty years ago and how important it is in our current society. Highly recommended!

Relationships

Esther Perel is a psychotherapist who has recently gained a lot of fame on the subject of (modern) relationships, infidelity, security and sexuality. She was also featured in ‘Zomergasten’, a Dutch television programme broadcast each summer by public broadcaster VPRO, last summer. Where should we begin is a well-known podcast with three seasons in which she always talks to couples from all over the world. She has a conversation with the couples and during the conversation it becomes increasingly clear to the couples what they encounter when it comes to developed patterns. It is a popular podcast because the talks are instructive and inspiring. In addition, it can also be nice to know that no relationship is perfect while on the outside it may seem that way.

True story

We end this list with a special podcast; stories read from teen diaries. On a small stage, people tell funny, special or moving stories about what they have experienced themselves.

Have fun listening!

Everyone suffers from stress sometimes. Stress is particularly common at work: in 2017, nearly 16% of Dutch employees even experienced burnout complaints. However, some stress at work is not necessarily a problem. Those nerves for an important presentation can actually provide some extra focus which will help you present even better. But work stress can also be very annoying if, for example, it takes too long, or if you suffer from it too often and therefore cannot recover properly. Not only does it make you feel less comfortable, it can also reduce the quality of your work. Instead of waiting to relax until your workday is over, you can also relax at work. Curious how? Keep on reading!

Tips to at work

1. Take a moment for yourself
   At work it can be beneficial to sometimes take a moment for yourself to recharge. For example, listen to some relaxing music or watch a funny YouTube video to completely shift your attention to something else. After your short break, you are ready to tackle that work problem again!
2. Get a breath of fresh air
   Are you completely stressed out? Cool off while taking a short walk. That way you can get away from it all for a moment. A little exercise can provide new energy, and some sun can do wonders for your mood!
3. Give yourself a massage or do some stretching exercises
   Stress can also manifest itself as tension in the body. Many people with an office job regularly experience tension in their neck, shoulders or back. Take a moment to relax these muscle groups by stretching yourself or by massaging the aching muscles for a short while. Or massage your temple with an essential oil such as lavender for extra relaxation. You could even consider doing some short yoga exercises at work!
4. Visualize
   Do you ever daydream during work? Use your imagination to relax! Close your eyes, imagine you’re lying on a beach for a minute, with rustling palm trees and a wavy sea in the background.
5. Drink a cup of tea
   A simple ritual such as preparing a cup of tea can give you the break you need. In addition to the fact that green tea helps you relax through the substance L-theanine, it can also be very relaxing to really take your time to make this drink. Consciously wait until the water is at the right temperature, pour the water into a mug, let the bag sit for a moment and enjoy the smell before continuing your day at work.
6. Be mindful
   You can also be mindful during your work day in other ways. For example, focus on one task at a time and let go of the other things for now. Write your other tasks down for later if you still can’t get them out of your mind, or make a schedule. This gives your mind more space to work calmly.
7. Don’t forget to eat!
   Keep eating regularly. Fluctuations in your blood sugar levels can cause extra stress. Moreover, what you eat also influences how you feel. So take care of your needs!

NiceDay app

Would you like to relax more at work? Use the NiceDay app daily planner to schedule moments of relaxation. Also register how you feel to see if the relaxation exercise worked for you.

Imagine: you are talking to a sales employee and suddenly you get goosebumps from your crown to your lower back. The way this sales employee is talking and is using his hands makes you very relaxed for some other reason. You find it more difficult to focus on his story and you notice that your attention is drifting away. You do not know how or why but you feel completely relaxed because of the sales employee. Do you recognize this feeling? Then you have probably experienced an ASMR moment! This relaxed feeling can arise in different situations: during a visit to the beauty salon, when someone wraps a present or when you get a massage for example.

The definition of ASMR

ASMR stands for Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response. When you have an ASMR experience, you feel a static-like or tingling sensation on the skin that typically begins on the scalp and moves down the back of the neck and upper spine. It can be described as goose bumps in your brain. It is a very relaxed feeling and can be provoked in different ways:

• Visual: for example, through gentle hand gestures and movements.
• Auditory: sounds or certain noises that sound nice sometimes give an ASMR feeling, such as crackling, whispering or ticking. For example, tapping gently on a desk with long nails can result in ASMR.
• Feeling: a light touch, for example being tickled or massaged, can give you a relaxed feeling.

What happens during an ASMR moment?

When you have an ASMR experience, various hormones are released in your body such as endorphins, dopamine, oxytocin and serotonin. You feel less pain because of endorphins. Dopamine on the other hand gives you feelings of pleasure and joy. Oxytocin is released when we are touched or given a compliment: it gives us a warm and pleasant feeling. And serotonin has a calming effect, it strengthens our mood and helps us to have a good sleep pattern. Conclusion: if you have an ASMR moment, your body will respond very positively to it because of all the hormones that are released!

Research shows that most people watch ASMR videos to relieve tension and to fall asleep. Some viewers have indicated that the videos help with depression and chronic pain; the videos provide a better state of mind and sleepiness.

Where should you look for the ultimate ASMR experience?

Not everyone is sensitive to ASMR. Do you want to investigate whether or not it’s your cup of tea? At the moment, YouTube is full of popular ASMR videos which feature all possible visual and auditory triggers. You can discover what triggers ASMR in you by watching different types of videos. Do you notice that you feel sleepy and/ or happy? Enjoy it and use it to your advantage!

NiceDay app

Do you feel tense? Try to schedule an activity in the NiceDay app in which you take the time to watch an ASMR video. Investigate how you feel before and after watching the video.

Shinrin-yoku is very popular in Japan. Recently it has gained attention from all over the world. Shinrin-yoku is also called nature quest and it’s the phenomenon of completely blending yourself into nature. An increasing amount of people go into the wilderness to experience their green surroundings in a meditative way. Research has found that people living in a greener environment feel healthier, have less health related issues and visit the general practitioner less frequently. People living in the city on the other hand have a hyper alert brain that reacts more intense to stress, whereas people living in the countryside feel happier and healthier. So we know that being in nature is relaxing, but why is that?

Chemistry

Nature’s relaxing effect can be explained by chemistry. Phytoncides are micro substances that are excreted by plants and trees to protect themselves from bugs for example. These substances lower our stress, because the concentration of stress hormones in our blood decreases due to the phytoncides. They also activate our immune system. Natural killer cells, the antibodies that create white blood cells, increase when we are exposed to concentrations of phytoncides that are similar to the ones found in forests.

Nature is also home to the soil bacteria Mycobacterium vaccae. This is a bacteria we humans used to evolve with back in the days. This bacteria activates neurons that are related to your immune system and causes serotonin to be released in your brain. Serotonin is a hormone that makes you feel relaxed and happy.

Senses

The soothing effect of nature is also caused by multiple incoming sensory signals. A beautiful scenery, gentle sounds and a nice scent contribute to relaxation. Research has found that just the sight of flowers can already have a relaxing effect. Also, the scent of roses can make you feel more relaxed. Nowadays, you can find hours of videos on the internet that use sounds from nature. Think of the sound of rain, whistling birds or the sea. The repeating nature of those sounds has a calming effect and people tend to listen to it to sleep more relaxed for example.

Go on an adventure!

Going into nature can be an easy way to relieve some stress. Especially when you are living or working in a busy city, it can be a relieve to escape daily life every now and then. So get up and go for a hike in the woods, sign up for a nature quest or shinrin-yoku yourself into nature! The relaxing effect appears to be lineair, so the longer the experience the better!

NiceDay app

Go for a long hike in the woods and register in the NiceDay app how you feel before, during and after the experience. Do you notice any differences?

Music is popular for a good reason. It connects us and it affects our mood. Music also influences our perceptions of others. For example, if you’re listening to happy music, you will probably perceive the person next to you as more happy. By subtle and carefully arranged changes in chords, tempo and harmonics we start to feel differently. We project our feeling onto each other and we get sucked into the magical world of music. It helps us relax.

How does it work?

Music is a creative process as well as technical process. By producing music in a strategic way the componist decides how the listener feels. For example, using a slow tempo/bpm (= beats per minute) will affect your breathing. This is called ‘entrainment’. It means that your body will respond to external perceived (musical) rhythms. As a result the tempo of a song is effecting our breathing, heart rate and blood pressure. On top of that, we relax more easily when music has a clear structure, this is because our brain likes predictability.

Everybody likes different kinds of music and preferences are highly personal. Someone people like to put on electronic music to relax while others want to listen to classical music all day.

Music that is generally perceived as relaxing:

Vibin’ Out – FKJ with ((( O )))

Satie – Laid Back

Pure Shores – All Saints

Cranes in the Sky – Solange

BUS RIDE – KAYTRANADA (feat. Karriem Riggins & River Tiber)

So Far To Go (Feat Common & D’Angelo) – J Dilla

Breathing Underwater – Hiatus Kaiyote

Cure – Moonchild

NiceDay App

In NiceDay you can plan activities. Try to plan a music activity. Discover if music helps you relax. Compare your experiences before and after listening to your favourite music. And don’t forget to follow our NiceDay Spotify playlist to listen to the playlists our coaches put together for you!

It is the season to spring clean your house! Get rid of all the stuff you don’t need anymore. While cleaning your house, keep in mind that a clean home also will lead to a clear mind because mess can lead to a lot of stress. Have you ever heard of minimalism? It’s a counter-movement to our consumer society. A minimalist lifestyle, is all about owning less, spending less and ultimately doing less. Read in this blog how minimalism can help you declutter to create more peace in your life.

Pick a goal

What would you like to change in your life? Do you have a house full of stuff you want to get rid of? Do you want to buy new clothes all the time because you are triggered by all kinds of ads and beautiful Instagram pictures? Or do you want to take more time for yourself and think carefully about the time you spend with people from you inner social circle? Choose one goal and work on it. The chance of success is higher because you can put your full attention on this.

Functionality

Minimalism is all about not having excessive amounts of stuff. For example, if you want to buy less clothes, ask yourself why you constantly want to buy more clothes? What happens in your mind just before you start searching for new pants online? Or if you are sitting on the couch at home and suddenly want to go shopping “to check out the new collections”, are you feeling restless in those moments? Are you concerned with what others think of you if you are wearing the same? Or is it some kind of uncertainty that you are trying to hide by always buying something new? Ask yourself what your life would look like if you started to live in a more minimalist way. What are you gaining from it? What will it bring you? Are there things you are going to miss? Or are you going to experience more peace in the long term because you experience enjoy in the things you already have? Are you maybe going to save more money?

Balance

What brings you joy in the short-term and what brings you joy in the long-term? Are there any friendships that are important to you and want to invest more in? Or do you want a big social circle around you with whom you occasionally meet to socialise? You can find out what you want to focus on in your life by writing down what gives you happiness in the short-term and in the long-term.

Let’s take a cheap H&M shirt as an example; you can buy more of it because it’s cheap but you will probably enjoy it less because of the quality. If you opt for a more expensive and durable shirt that costs a little more, you will probably enjoy it more and for a longer period of time. You can apply this thinking style to the things in your house; are there perhaps furniture or accessories that take up too much space and create a sense of restlessness in you and in your life? Can you make someone else happy with it if you don’t need it anymore? Try to be as critical as possible.

Ask your environment for help

For some people, the change to live in a more minimalist way is a bit harder than for others. Involve people who are close to you who can help you with this. For example, if you find it difficult to throw things away, a friend can help you with this process. Do you find it difficult to buy fewer items? Someone close to you can store your debit card for you and agree that you receive ‘pocket money’ every week. In this way you have less to spend and probably feel supported by your environment. Also consider the moments that will be difficult, meaning that you have to think in advance what you want to do in order not to fall into old behaviour.

Practice

Allow yourself the time to get used to the principle of minimalism since it is new to you. Try to make more time to find out why you want to buy something. In addition, it can also help to make a schedule in which you indicate when you are going to clean up a certain room in your house. If you have fallen back in your old patterns for a few days, try to pick it up again. Discuss it with your environment so that they can support you to have a minimalist life. Above all, do not forget to consider what consuming less or making less appointments to socialise will bring you in the long term.

NiceDay app

In the NiceDay app you can keep a daily diary about how the minimalist lifestyle is working for you through the registrations. This allows you to train yourself on a daily basis to consciously reflect on the steps you are taking during this process.

On average, we spend 90,000 hours in our lives at work. We also spend an average of 8.7 hours sitting each day, every day in the Netherlands. A good sitting posture not only ensures a fitter and healthier body, it also provides more oxygen to the brain which makes you more productive. And it helps you to handle (work) stress better. In this article I will discuss some yoga exercises which are especially good for office workers and people who sit a lot during the day.

The effect of having a desk job

Do you regularly have cravings during work? Do you think that exercising after work counteracts the negative effects of  sitting so much? This video shows what happens in the body and brain when you sit for hours and hours.

The benefits of a good posture

Your physical posture is the basis for every movement that the body makes and can determine how well your body adapts to (work) stress. This video explains the benefits of good posture.

Yoga for office workers

Working a lot behind a desk? Are your shoulders, neck and back tense from sitting too long? In this yoga video I will show you which exercises you can do to keep your body fit and healthy throughout the day. And the best part is that you can do these exercises at work while you are behind your desk. Give your body a break and watch this video!

We usually think that gaming is bad for children and adolescents. Often we assume that it will make children aggressive and antisocial. In addition, they can also become addicted to it. However, a number of studies have shown that videogames can in fact help with the treatment of depression and anxiety complaints. Some researchers even believe that gaming sometimes can be as helpful as regular therapy.

Advantages of gaming

Playing is important for the development of our brains. This also applies to playing games digitally, also know as gaming. A video from the NRC shows that gaming can make you smarter and keep your brain healthy. Gaming is good for:

• Eye-hand coordination
• Perseverance
• Responsiveness
• Random access memory
• Patience
• Problem solving ability
• Collaboration
• Spatial awareness
• Creativity
• Learning the English language

By playing games you can learn new skills quickly. For example, the US Army uses videogames to psychologically prepare soldiers for stressful situations.

Adolescents and gaming

In the last few years, more games have been developed by behavioural scientists with the aim of preventing psychological issues or as a therapy for psychological problems. Especially young people with depression or anxiety complaints can benefit from this. It is beneficial for them because games are able to do something that is sometimes difficult with normal therapy: to fascinate young people for a long time.

Games can be a good addition to regular therapy for young people. Gaming is part of the youth culture and in addition, it is easy to participate in games. There is also no stigma on gaming. And there are also no waiting lists that need to be taken into account.

Gaming and depression later in life

In addition American researchers have discovered a link between the use of mobile games and the treatment of depression later in life. This research was done at the University of Washington. According to the researchers, old people with depression benefit more from a game-oriented app that stimulates the human’s natural neurological ability to process multiple information flows simultaneously than regular conversation therapy. The reason is because such an app or game focuses on the cause of the depression rather than the symptoms associated with it.

The future games and depression treatment

Although several studies have concluded that gaming is a helpful tool to treat anxiety and depression, there still needs to be done a lot to further develop these games. After all, developing videogames is not cheap and more research is needed to find out what the psychological effects are and how big these effects are. Unfortunately, that is also expensive and takes time.

From time to time we may think about our lives and the goals we want to achieve. Think about your life; the people you are surrounded with, your job, your house and the way you spend your free time. Do you follow your heart when it comes to these aspects of your life? Or is fitting into the expectations of others more important to you? Bronnie Ware wrote a book about the regrets that patients had when they were terminally ill and waiting to die. A lot of her work involved providing counseling from the physical and mental stresses that come naturally when a patient comes face to face with their last days. She asked them what their biggest regrets where about their lives. The most common regrets she observed:

1. I wish I pursued my dreams and aspirations, and not the life others expected of me

Fitting into the expectations of others (family, friends and society) are the reason why people failed to pursue their dreams. The biggest lesson from this regret is: if you know what you love to do in life, do it! Don’t wait for a ‘better moment’ in the future. When you notice you’re still afraid of what others might think of your choices, remember that their opinions don’t matter in your dying days.

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard

Especially the male patients had this regret. The male patients were often the breadwinners and their lives were taken over by pursuing a career. They regretted that they allowed their work to take over their private lives. This caused them to spend less time with their family and friends. When they look back at their lives they would have simplified their lifestyle and would have created more space for happiness. They could also have had more time to spend with their loved ones.

3. I wish I had the courage to express my feelings and speak my mind more often

It’s ironic that these patients believed they suppressed their true feelings and didn’t speak their mind when they should have, because they wanted to keep peace with others. A lot of them avoided confrontations and difficult conversations which eventually affected their health. By suppressing their feelings (especially anger) they built up a lot of bitterness and resentment. This stood in the way of fulfilling their true potential. Live boldly and remember, when confrontation is kind, honest and constructive, it helps to deepen our relationships and deepen our mutual respect to one and other.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends and giving the time and effort they deserved

Patients regretted they didn’t invest in (old) friendships because of the busy world we live in. It appears when death is looming, people realise friendships hold more value than all their wealth and achievements. Are their friends you’ve lost touch with because of your busy life? Don’t hesitate and call them before it’s too late! Tell them why you value them and make more effort to give them the right attention.

5. I wish I had let myself be happier

Many patients that were interviewed didn’t realise until the end of their lives that being happy is a choice. They wished they had known that chasing wealth, social acceptance and big careers aren’t going to help you achieve happiness. In their deathbeds they realised that looking back they could have chosen to be me more relaxed and appreciate the good things in life they already had. To be thankful for you life, rich or poor. It’s about the connections you have with your loved ones and the time you spend with them. Remember, happiness is a choice. How do you choose to spend your time?

Is it possible to live without regret?

That’s probably not possible because no human life is perfect. But the key is to live a life with as few regrets as possible. Choose wisely how you want to spend your time: do you want to chase a bigger career to strive for more wealth? Or is spending time with your loved ones more important to you? Whatever you decide: live boldly!

NiceDay app

Download the app and try to fill a daily registration about your day. Are you happy with the choices you made that day?