Hello, I am experiencing quite a lot of stress from a family member I live with. They can be very irritable, argumentative and explosive. This is not something temporary, by the way, but rather the attitude of that person for a much longer period of time.
How can I better protect myself against this? By the way, I am not able to leave home in the short term. In addition, setting boundaries or expressing my feelings often makes little sense. It seems that the person sometimes does the opposite on purpose because the person thinks they know better what to do in a situation. Even if I isolate myself or take time for myself, it creates conflict. What can I do best in this situation? I always feel like I have to walk on eggshells and I sometimes feel physically sick due to the constant tension and negativity.
It's good of you to ask this question. I will try to answer it as best I can.
It sounds like you've already tried a lot to deal with this person. Normally, setting boundaries and expressing your feelings is really good, so I certainly wouldn't advise you not to do that. However, it doesn't seem to have the desired effect, so a different approach may be worth trying in this situation.
The impression I get is that this person isn't doing very well themselves. It is not healthy for someone to be so irritable, argumentative or explosive. And I can't imagine that this person likes to feel that way either. The first thing you could do is try to ask how someone is doing in a non-critical way. For example, you can indicate that you are concerned that someone is so explosive and you have the feeling that it is not nice for that person to experience that continuously. Set yourself up in such a way that you are willing to work together on the situation so that that person, and then you too, can feel more comfortable. This choice requires a certain sacrifice of yourself to go the extra mile for that person.
Another thing you can do if you feel like you can't make it clear what someone is doing to you is to write a letter. In this, you can explain how you feel and that you miss it to feel good at home. A need that that person probably recognizes. You can indicate that it is not your intention to criticize someone, but that you would like to need their help to create a pleasant home situation together.
A final, somewhat more serious option is to engage an organization such as Veilig Thuis (for NL). This organization helps to create a pleasant home environment. This does not only have to refer to domestic violence, but can also refer to repeated quarrels, etc. You may wish to contact them anonymously for advice before officially enlisting their help. You can do that here: https://veiligthuis.nl/
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