Mother with depression

Question

Vraag

My mother suffers from depression and severe panic disorders (since she was 30) and leans heavily on me in her bad moments. I listen, advise, comfort, think along, and worry terribly about her at such moments. She has therapy and medication, so is always in treatment, but it always comes back to me. I can now see the signals of an attack coming miles away. I live abroad, so I’m also far away, I feel guilty about that. My mother is always very busy with herself, always has been. I need a mother, but sometimes I feel that I am her mother. The last attack from her was a few days ago and I find myself angry at her for the first time and wanting to distance myself. I would like some advice on how to proceed with this situation. Mainly because I find it increasingly difficult to let go and it has an effect on my daily life.

Answered by NiceDay Psychologist NiceDay

Answer

Antwoord

Hi S,

Good of you to submit your question. I can see from your story that this is a difficult situation for you. Taking care of a loved one with depression can be experienced as very stressful and heavy. Care takes time and energy. That is why it is very important to take good care of yourself!

You can prevent overload by continuing to do enough fun and relaxing things yourself, keeping in touch with good family and friends where you can vent yourself or seeking professional help if it gets too much for you. In addition, training and support groups are also organized for loved ones. Realize that the other person may seek professional help and that it is not your job to treat the depression. So don't try to take on the role of a therapist.

Is it all getting a bit too much? Then the Depression Line (088 – 505 43 34) of the Depression Association (Dutch) can also offer a listening ear. It can also help to come up with practical tools that can help you or your loved one in certain situations, so that you know well what you can (and cannot) do for the other person at certain times.

I wish you all the best with this situation.

Kind regards, Sarah

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Mother with depression

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