Gaslighting/narcisme

Thanks for submitting your question. How upsetting to read that you have been dealing with gaslighting/narcissism in your home situation for years.

You are wondering how gaslighting can happen. I would be happy to tell you more about this. Gaslighting is a form of manipulation or deception where someone makes you feel that you have misunderstood, or that it’s your fault. The consequences of gaslighting are that you start doubting yourself and can feel hugely insecure, you describe these consequences as noticeable to yourself.

What we often see is that the aim of a gaslighter is to make someone insecure, with the result that they rely more and more on the gaslighter. The result is that someone becomes more and more dependent on the gaslighter. Someone who is gaslighted increasingly feels that the other person is right and that you cannot function properly without them. Gaslighting often creeps in. It usually happens subtly and over long periods of time; the gaslighter gains more and more power and control over you and your perceptions.

Actually, gaslighting can occur in any relationship. We often see gaslighting in intimate partner relationships and in parent-child relationships. In these relationships, you are more susceptible to the effects of gaslighting because you often crave the approval of your partner and/or parents or other family members.

You also wonder how to best handle this situation. I am happy to provide you with some tips.

• Take photos where necessary and write down important points. This way, you collect evidence so that you do not have to doubt your own observations later.
• If possible, involve a confidant, this person can support you in the process and he/she can see what is happening between you. Fortunately, you do this with your friends and in-laws, my advice is also to definitely continue with this.
• Throughout this process, try to take care of yourself as best you can. Get enough sleep, exercise moderately intense daily and eat a healthy and varied diet. When you adopt a healthy lifestyle, you can cope better with stress and negativity.
• Know that it is okay to distance yourself when you feel the need to do so.
• Would you read through this article?: https://niceday.app/en/gaslighting-what-is-it-and-how-do-you-deal-with-it/ 

You indicate that you have been in this situation for 7 years. You indicate that you feel distraught and I understand your feelings very well. Know that you do not have to do it alone and that you may receive professional help for this. You can contact your GP and get referred to a professional, should you feel the need. For example, you could have a referral to Sol Psychotherapy ,https://sol-psychotherapie.nl/