Boundaries

Thanks for submitting your question and nice to hear from you! You wonder how you can best take care of yourself and how you can better guard and frame your boundaries in both your work and private life.

It is important to know for yourself and to check where your limits lie. Our emotions often tell us what is going on inside us. Emotions such as anger, sadness or irritation are often a signal from our body that a boundary has been crossed. Be aware of these feelings and try to write them down regularly. You can keep this in a special notebook or you can use NiceDay independently.

In our trajectory from a while ago, we focused on, among other things, the necessity of setting boundaries, so what it means to you to indicate your boundaries and to stick to your boundaries. By setting boundaries, you create clarity in what you can expect from yourself, but also what others can expect from you. You set realistic and dynamic requirements. This means that you can expect yourself to do your best every day, always taking the circumstances into account. For example, if you have had a bad night's sleep or private circumstances are playing, it is more realistic that you perform less well. If you suddenly burst with energy and feel fantastic, then you can of course make that extra effort! You optimize your performance because you dose and spread your effort according to feasibility. In the short term, it seems unproductive if you say no once, but in the long term, the sum of all your work is higher. So you are not doing anyone a favour, you are doing everyone a favour! Try to be aware of the above and it might help to write down the above and grab it at a difficult moment.

The way you set your boundary can play an important role in the response you can expect from another person:

• Tell the message from yourself (“I find it annoying that…”, “It frustrates me…”)
• Be very specific about what you respond to: for example, to a colleague's sudden request to help with an urgent job.
• Avoid words such as "never" or "always" because the other person may perceive it as a personal attack. Try to respect the other person as much as possible and don't bring up old incidents.
• Mention especially the consequences that you will experience if you say “yes” to your colleague's question. For example, “I experience tension if I don't finish my tasks from this afternoon”.
• The other will respond to this. This may be understanding or not. Anyway, listen to the other. This gives them the space to have their say and the other will feel heard.
• Your attitude counts. Try to look the other person straight in the eye and clearly indicate why you are saying no. If you adopt an insecure attitude, there is a chance that you will not be taken seriously.

A crucial element is to keep doing. Keep identifying your boundaries, keep making them known to those around you, and finally, stick to your own boundaries. Once you've accomplished this, it's important to praise and reward yourself. Consider the effect of setting boundaries. It often makes you feel confident and powerful. Again, write down this feeling in a notebook, for example, and take this booklet with you at difficult moments.

Thank you again for submitting your question and if there are any questions/ambiguities, please let me know.