Coping

Because dealing with unhelpful schemas or modes can be challenging, it’s not uncommon to develop strategies to minimize their impact. This is also known as coping, and we explain it in relation to the three primary stress responses: Fight, Flight, and Freeze.

1. Overcompensating (Fight)

By fighting a schema and doing the opposite, you can prevent a painful schema from being activated and attempt to prove that it is not true. For example, striving for perfection because you felt worthless as a child. However, this may maintain the original pain or lead to conflicts with others.

2. Avoiding (Flight)

By avoiding situations or thoughts that could activate a schema, you can prevent its activation. However, this may also result in developing low self-confidence or missing opportunities in life. For instance, if your fear of failure prevents you from seeking a job that aligns with your capabilities.

3. Surrendering (Freeze)

You might come to believe that a schema is true, leading you to seek situations that confirm the schema. For example, if you were abused as a child and now repeatedly seek partners who exhibit similar behavior.

While each of these three coping strategies may help you deal with difficult emotions, especially in the short term, they can maintain maladaptive schemas and modes in the long run. Therefore, it may be essential to learn new, healthy ways to cope with your schemas and modes.

Sources

Vereniging voor schematherapie:  https://www.schematherapie.nl/schematherapie 

Boom: https://platform.boompsychologie.nl/