Print Which coach are you?
This story is about a youth football team involving various coaches and parents. Johan is one of the youth players. He is a defender and must return the balls that travel towards his team’s goal to the midfield. During a match, the ball is kicked high in his direction. Johan wants to kick the ball back, but misses it completely. This allows the opponent to run freely past him towards the goal and a goal is scored. Johan’s team is now 1-0 behind.
Now, there are a number of different ways a coach can respond. Let’s take coach A and coach B as examples.
- Coach A (emotionally) runs onto the field and shouts: “How can you miss that ball?! Anyone could have stopped that one, even my dog! You ruined it! You can’t do anything right! Next time you will be sitting on the bench!”
- Coach B (motivated) enters the field and says: “Well, you missed that one. Next time, try to remember that high balls seem further away than they are, so try to stand a little further back. Let’s see how it goes next time!”
After Coach A’s reaction, Johan feels very tense; he tries not to cry and hopes that no more balls will be played towards him. Chances are he will miss them anyway because of the tension in his body and the tears in his eyes. After the game, Johan’s parents also notice his frustration. He throws his shoes into a corner, and, before the next match, Johan complains about stomachache.
As you can imagine, Johan feels different after Coach B’s reaction than after Coach A’s reaction. Johan still isn’t happy, because he missed a ball, but he now knows what to do next time a high ball comes towards him.
Which coach do you think Johan’s parents would pick as the best choice for their son? Probably Coach B! Coach B teaches Johan how to be a better player. Because of Coach B, Johan does not get tense and enjoys the game.
Who would you choose?
While we would probably all choose Coach B for Johan, we rarely choose Coach B when it comes to the way we talk to ourselves. Just think about the last ‘mistake’ you made. You probably thought “I am so stupid” or “I am such an idiot”. These are statements that Coach A would use and add tension and worry. Actually, you should try to talk to yourself as Coach B would, especially if you want to enjoy life more and achieve your goals with fulfilment. In difficult situations, try to replace Coach A thoughts with Coach B thoughts! You can read tips on how to do this in the blog article about self-compassion.
Source:
Keijsers, G. P. J., Van Minnen, A., Verbraak, M., Hoogduin, C. A. L. & Emmelkamp, P., (2017). Protocollaire behandelingen voor volwassenen met psychische klachten.Bijlage gedownload van: boompyschologie.nl
