Print A mode (plural: modes) is a temporary state of mind that occurs as a result of an activated schema. For example, becoming extremely angry when not getting your way or having a strong inclination to please others. If you have developed unhelpful schemas, you may regularly experience unhelpful modes.
There are various helpful and unhelpful modes. When modes frequently shift, express themselves intensely, or fail to help you meet your actual needs, it can be inhibiting and lead to difficult interactions with others.
What does it feel like, a mode?
Sometimes, the trigger may be small, but the mode can feel like a massive overwhelming emotional wave. This is because your personal pain points have turned into bruises over the years. These are much more sensitive, hurt more easily, and will also elicit a stronger reaction when pressed or triggered. It may feel like (abdominal) pain, a knot in your stomach, welling tears, sadness, a constricting feeling in your chest, deep anger, etc. You might find it challenging to understand where the feelings come from and why they are so intense, but often, you realize that the intensity may not entirely match the situation. To feel better, you might seek helpful short-term strategies, such as consuming a mountain of chocolate, binge-watching a series, withdrawing, putting on a mask, picking a fight, or angrily walking away.
Different types of mode categories:
Each mode is characterized by specific thoughts, feelings, and behaviors and is categorized into 4 types:
- Child Modes. These modes resemble the strong emotions of children. You may feel angry, or even furious, impulsive, or vulnerable and alone.
- Unhelpful Coping Modes. To deal with unpleasant child modes, you may enter these modes as a defense mechanism. You may want to protect yourself, try to soothe yourself, or even glorify yourself to feel bigger. You may also adopt aggressive/attacking or pleasing coping modes.
- Unhelpful Parent Modes. These modes exhibit characteristics of how parents might react to children. For example, negative, strict, or punitive self-talk. These parent modes often lead to sadness or fear, causing you to escalate into child modes.
- Helpful Modes. These modes bring balance, perspective, and healthy freedom. Attention is given to healthy and helpful responses, warmth, and empathy, allowing space for joy, connection, and self-confidence. In therapy, the goal is to strengthen these helpful modes.
All the kinds of modes
You can find them here.
Sources
Vereniging voor schematherapie: https://www.schematherapie.nl/schematherapie
Boom: https://platform.boompsychologie.nl/
