In the dictionary, the “click” is described as “getting along with each other instantly.” It’s about the first impression. A degree of “getting along with each other” is in therapy important. An immediate “click” does not always occur naturally. This is no different in digital treatment. But what is that click in therapy? And what do you do if it is missing?
How do psychologists view the “click”?
Research shows that we tend to judge people with the same values, beliefs and interests more positively than people from whom we differ. You may find that friendships are easier with people who have somewhat the same ideas. For example, if you think the climate is very important, you may be less likely to become friends with a climate change denier. Of course, differences between people can also create interesting relationships. But in most cases, similarities seem to bring people closer together.
Research shows that we judge people more positively when we see their faces more often. If we are exposed more often to the same, this leads to recognition and in the long term this gives a more positive assessment. The recognition of, for example, expressions and language use can also influence the way in which you judge someone. You often judge someone with the same vocabulary more positively.
In the first impression, stereotypes and prejudices are often important to estimate how you assess someone. Someone who looks like someone you already like calls for recognition and is therefore judged more positively.
What if the “click” is not there?
Not feeling a “click” with someone can have various causes. Maybe the communication is not going well, because of some irritation. There may also be other reasons that cause misunderstanding. To build up a good relationship it is important to speak out irritations. This prevents them from increasing further.
These are five tips for raising irritations:
- Remember that your professional has probably experienced this before and wants to learn from it.
- Start with something positive. This can make it easier to discuss what is not going well.
- Take your feelings seriously, the professional is there to help you and with “pleasing the other” won’t get you any further.
- If you want to discuss something, you can send an email in advance in which you briefly indicate that you want to discuss something. This prevents you from postponing at the last minute.
- Discuss the problem with someone else first. Perhaps you can clarify what is bothering you and what you want to change.
My experience is that by entering into a conversation you come to a better relationship. If you cannot work it out together, there is often the option of switching to a different professional It is advisable to start the conversation first. After all, a good conversation can bring you a lot.
Baron, Byrne & Brandscome, 2006